Friday, March 30, 2012

My life, hippified.

Hippifying your life will make you so happy. I'm not a total hippie (yet..ha). I mean, I own a pair of Birkenstocks, but I don't ever wear them because Forever 21 makes a cuter gladiator sandal. See? I'm a cheap-clothes-wearing, meat-eating, I-don't-care-if-you-drive-an-SUV type of hippie wannabe. Basically there are just certain aspects of my life that benefits being hippie-like and it's proven to make my life easier.

#1. Foods. Buy organic.. not everything. That shit's cray and expensive. Buy organic when you're buying any veggies on the Dirty Dozen list. LOOK IT UP. It's gross. Stop eating processed foods! Well, I cut out as much as I can. I have just started this a couple months ago. But seriously, if it is found in the middle of the grocery store in a package, and not on the outskirts of the store, it's not as good for you! They throw in a shit ton of chemicals to make it last longer in a box. You know what's crazy? I feel so much better when I haven't been eating processed foods. Especially canned! I have completely cut out canned foods from our grocery list. I'm still using the few that are in our cupboards, because it's like a couple cans of gravy and some tomato sauce. Whatevs, I'll use it. But seriously, why buy beans in a can, when you can buy them for way cheaper, way healthier, in the bulk section, and I can cook them on my own, and know exactly how then were cooked. Beans in a can=ingredients: 3948759847584754 things. Beans from the whole foods bulk in=ingredients: beans. BOOM. I also used to buy canned tomatos. For any recipe that called for stewed tomatos, diced tomatos, tomato sauce, blahblahblah, I bought canned. BPA! AHH THE BPA. Seriously, the research on BPA is seeping into my mind and I can't believe all of the canned goods I used to buy. Now I buy ACTUAL TOMATOS---who would have thought? So much cheaper and insanely better for you.

Moving on. More hippie shit. NATURAL MEDICINE. Say wha?

Eat ginger when you’re nauseous
Eat raw garlic when you have a cold.
Gargle salt water when your throat is sore.
Guzzle some water with a drop of peppermint oil when your head hurts.
Eat oats to increase your milk supply.
Eat yogurt for yeasty beasties.
Use the Neti-pot when your sinuses are full of ick.

Medicine is expensive, and I hate buying it. and quite frankly I just got way too used to it. I think that's why I used to get sick all the time--I took medicine for any and everything that eventually my body needed it and I was sick all the time. Oh, that doesn't make sense? Well, whatever, it probably isn't true. Even if it's a total anti-placebo affect, I'm never sick, and when I get the slightest symptom, I do my super natural holistic stuff, and NIP IT IN THE BUD, BABY. Aside from like two times that I've taken tylenol when my hippie methods haven't worked, I have not taken medicine since before I was pregnant with Cohen [who is 16 months. do the math]. I can live without it, for sure.

I suppose seeing a midwife instead of an OB to have an unmedicated labor and delivery if filed under natural medicine. I don't even want to go into the details of comparing medicated hospital births to unmedicated ones, especially because there are ALWAYS circumstances that are out of our control. I would never judge/bash someone for having a medicated birth. HOWEVA. It does make me sad that nobody really does any research on it anymore. It's just assumed that they'll go to the hospital, get an epi, and pop the kid out. If only it were so simple. I mean, at least look at the risks and rates and stuff, ya know? But whatever. That's a whole other thing. I just had a wonderful experience delivering Cohen, as well as a recovery time and I wish that some people looked more into it before saying "Ow, that would hurt, so no." Go watch The Business of Being Born [Netflix, yo] and it will maybe shed some light on how L&Ds in America are going down the pooper.

i read once in a hippie book that when you’re in doubt about your body (like in times of birth), be a monkey. Think with your primal instincts. Your body can do shit that your brain has no idea about. For example, you know how you can’t poop if a hot guy is standing in the bathroom with you? Oh you never tried that? Me neither (…) Doors in public bathrooms have locks and stalls for privacy because our muscles need to feel comfortable and safe to open up. Also no one wants to see your pee hole. The same way your baby shooter does to have a baby. It won’t open up and dilate easily  if you are under a billion bright lights, with people reaching up there and machines clanging away. But go in a quiet, dim, private area and feel safe and comfortable and BAM all systems are a go. Just like your pooper. Like a monkey pooper.

Other natural things. Cleaning products. The chemicals in cleaning products are a no-no, so I make everything. Super easy. I actually didn't head down this road for hippie-training, I did it to save money. I'm all about saving dough these days. For a multi-purpose disinfectant, I soak some orange peels in vinegar for a week-10 days, then add equal parts of water. Voila. For carpet cleaner, equal parts water and vinegar, scrub on stain, sprinkle baking soda on top to absorb odor, and vacuum up. For the most amazing tile/shower/tub cleaner ever in the world, microwave some vinegar--about 1 cup, add 1 cup orginal Dawn dish soap. Mix in a little bit of water. BAM. It's seriously amazing. I just keep it in the shower, and spray down the tile when I notice the grout start to get a little pink. It's magic. Magic, I tell you.

2 words: Cloth Diapers. No other words needed.

SWEET and BRIGHT: Do not, no matter what ever never use artificial sweetners and try your best to avoid artificial dyes. That goes for Splenda, Equal and any other alien chemical that tastes sweet. And I don’t just mean don’t sprinkle it. Diet Coke and the like is bad too. If you need it just use regular sugar. It comes from the earth. Don’t eat it by the spoonful like an idiot.  Splenda chemically has more in common with a pesticide than sugar. And trust, if someone told me this when I was depending on coffee to live my life, I would have slapped their face with my ass. So you can do that to me if you want. There is evidence that food dyes lead to behavioral disorders, especially in kids. You can research this one if you’re interested. I know you’ll be all pissy about this one. /END

Okay that's enough for now, even though, you better believe I have more hippie shit to add. MUWAHAHA.

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